I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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