Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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