can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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