Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
