he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
We had to coat check the pizza.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
