You're so nebulous sometimes
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
