no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
