I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
