Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
