You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
