If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
should my penis look like a turkey
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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