I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I showed him my bush... on skype.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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