The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Why is your signature on my underwear?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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