I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Why did my mother make you get naked?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
