Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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