I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
