bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
