New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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