It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
It's not a walk of shame if you run
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
