I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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