I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
