Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I cockslap morals
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
