Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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