remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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