how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
