How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Randomize
