i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
