i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
