i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
