i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
He has the fingertips of a God
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
