id be glad to
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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