Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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