Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm getting married
To pizza
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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