Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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