Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
We just shotgunned beers for America
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
