my mouth tastes like poor choices
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
