We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
