How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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