I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
someone threw a dead crab at me
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
The air taste purple.
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