the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
