The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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