She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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