Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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