My hair reeks of homosexuality.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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