if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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