There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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