Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
