I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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