Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
so let's talk penis.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
