did you get engaged???
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
