Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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