sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
