Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
