Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
