i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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