Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
All I want is dick and wine.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
