HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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