I'm lost and stupid without you.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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