Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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